That Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward sequels to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Still, fans undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this show's issues. The recipient of a very rare zero star review, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The almost deliberate parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads 
 but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe 
 in super slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor 
 but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.

George Hanson
George Hanson

Lena is een ervaren onderwijsjournalist en studiekeuze-expert. Ze helpt scholieren met onafhankelijk advies.